What am I talking about?
My Ex-Husband, Kevin.....
I have been in and out of a relationship with him on and off for almost 7 years now, and we
were married for 2 of those....
The problem? He drinks, and yes I knew that when I got involved with him, but looking back
at the beginning of our relationship, i know I saw RED FLAGS.....they popped up every time
I turned around, but what did I do? I kept up the Relationship.....even though at times he
wasn't the nicest person to me.....
Why? well that isn't easy to say....without feeling like an idiot, of which I know I am not, but
that being said, I thought I was in love with him.....when looking back now, I see what was going on:
1. I was lonely, I wanted to feel wanted, I wanted to have someone in my life,
2. I was living in an apartment with 6 people...all of which were my kids...LOL and Kevin
was my escape on the weekends....
3. I thought this man has never had anyone who really cared about him, I can be that one
person....
4. I thought I could save him, fix him.
All of the above....make me a FIXER.....yes I know.
And after all of the hell i went thru for alot of years with my kids after losing my beloved first husband, I thought this was going to make everything ok.....I was so wrong.
I gave my life to an alcoholic, of whom I realized did have people in his life that cared, but
his constant drinking ran everyone off from him.....
I gave everything i had to this man, I quit my job, I moved away from family and friends to a completely different city that was miles away....and then married him....
And then my nightmare began, i stayed home, and took care of the house, while he worked,
mind you I bought the house, and bought all the furniture, appliances everything in the house
I bought everything in the house was moved in by me or a mover, he moved his box in....
And after a year and a half I realized i wasn't happy, he was an alcoholic, and not a nice one
either....he put me through alot of pain, mental, emotional and physical....I could go on and on...
i should not have married him, my daughter even told me to give it time, to think...but i thought
once we got married, everything would fall in to place and he would stop....Again, I was wrong,
it only got worse....can't count on my hands or feet how many episodes there were where he was
belligerent with me and then the physical started.....but all that ended one night he he gave me a black eye and a cut above my eye...not to mention a bruised rib, and a permanently scarred arm....yes I was done, and i found out all he ever wanted was control.....
so i filed for divorce.....and sold the house in Plano and moved back home.....
well now a year later, i'm talking to him again, why? because I pity him, I know I am not in love with him, i care for him....even after all he has done, and still won't admit.
He blames me.....LOL....i have to laugh otherwise i would just scream....
Now I'm at a crossroads, he has lost his only child....and he is literally alone, and I just haven't
found it within me to abandon him, and yes he lays the guilt on me....
Says i can't believe your doing this to me after everything I have done for you?
Now I want to really scream everytime he says it...because He gave up nothing to be with me,
me on the other hand I gave up everything, which was my choice.....but he will never say that
and that leads me to believe no know now, he is a classic Narcissist and that is so sad....
So I have to make a decision....to just let him go.....but that is easier said than done.....
So I will write more at a later time.....
Bye for now...Peace
